“Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it’s not a moral failure; it’s not an ethical lapse; it’s not a weakness of character; it’s not a failure of will, which is how our society depicts addiction; nor is it an inherited brain disease, which is how the medical tendency is to see it; but it actually is, it’s a response to human suffering. …So addiction then, is actually rather than being a disease as such, or a human choice it actually is it’s an attempt to escape suffering temporarily.
“And that what people need in response to addiction is not judgment and not simply symptom control, they need to be helped to heal from their trauma.”
https://youtu.be/ys6TCO_olOc, The Best Explanation of Addiction I’ve Ever Heard, Dr. Gabor Maté,
I learned some time ago that all addiction is based in pain. For all addicts, somewhere along the path of one’s life we got hurt and we didn’t know how to deal with it. When relief came by way of drug or alcohol or any other type of self-destructive behavior, we kept repeating the action because it helped us.
“…the addiction wasn’t your problem, your problem was that you had a lot of emotional pain you didn’t know what to do with. So the addiction was really an attempt to solve a problem. So when you say why do people use substances? Or why do they engage in addictions in general? It’s because they have a problem they don’t know what to do with. And if you really understand their addiction we have to ask, “Well, what gave you so much emotional pain? And how come you didn’t have the internal resources (this is not a judgment, it’s simply an inquiry)? How come you lacked at some point the internal resources to deal with that pain in a more creative, forward-looking way that would help you resolve the pain rather than to perpetuate it?””
“So really what it was is that the addiction came along to help you solve a problem you had no other solutions for at the time. And that’s the case for all addictions. So why do people use? Why do people engage in addictions? Because they have deep emotional problems they don’t have the means to resolve on their own. That’s why they use.”
Ibid.
This is so true! It’s silly to think that someone chooses to become an addict. It’s no different than how someone becomes a prostitute. It’s not so much they chose it, but because they didn’t know how else to resolve the problem they were facing at the time. Or, they were forced into it and after they started their self-worth lessened and they continued to stay within the mindset of a prostitute. In other words, they found themselves stuck. Just like an addict. It’s hard to escape a lifestyle when you’ve convinced yourself this is the way you’re going to live the rest of your life. Or you tell yourself, this is all you deserve.
“If you’re asking is it possible for people to heal from trauma sufficiently that they don’t have to keep escaping into addictions to lessen the suffering of their trauma? Yes, that’s entirely possible.
“Where does behavior come from? And what are you still carrying inside that’s making you behave that way? And how can we help you resolve what’s inside you? Not just how we help you change your behavior but how do we help you change? Now that’s what healing is, and that happens inside a person. …We can guide people to healing if we ask the right questions.”
Ibid.
My personal involvement with the recovery community is because I was an addict for over 16 years. And as I was guided through self-healing, it was the right questions that peaked my curiosity. I remember a therapist asking me, “What are you so angry about?” I came up with a whole bunch of reasons to be angry. And her next question was, “Does it still matter?” This question stumped me because for so long I thought it was logical to be pissed off. It “made sense” to me that I was angry, and in my mind I had a right to be angry. But the question, “Does it still matter?” caused me to wonder if it was still worth it.
Through more therapy, I learned that I was angry at stuff that happened more than a decade ago. As a young person, I never learned the emotional tools to calm my mind, to sort my feelings, and to channel my energy into something healthy or productive. Instead, I learned to turn to drugs and alcohol for emotional relief, to turn to pornography for my self-pity, and to physical violence when I didn’t feel I was in control.
Today, after much healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and making amends, I cope with the stressors of life by praying, exercising, talking with and venting to my circle of influence. And I also stay connected to the recovery community because I know someone else needs to hear the right questions. Maybe I might be part of someone’s recovery in a way that they find self-healing because I asked the right questions.
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