Depression comes in all forms. Not everyone who is depressed feels like suicide. In my case, I have a few different things going on in my life that I think contribute to my dark days. I think if we can identify what they are they will help us even if it’s in a small way.
I am suffering right now from health issues and emptiness syndrome. My boys are grown and have families of their own and my daughter is so independent that I am pretty much feeling that emptiness. She will be driving in about 6 to 7 months and then it will be worse.
I wish I could go back to when my children needed me when they were sad, sick, hurt, or just them wanting that mommy time. We want to raise our children to be independent and strong. And when they get older and they are just that, we know we did our job, but we start to miss them so much.
Age 51 has been a very difficult year for me with health issues. For the past 6 months I have had iron deficiency anemia which makes me so tired and not feel good, which then attaches to my depression and makes it even worse. With the holidays upon us and missing those that are not with us anymore makes things even more dark and lonely. Wow...that’s a lot of things happening in my mind, heart, and body.
I am getting ready to start iron infusions that will be once a week for 5 weeks, to help replenish my iron so I can feel like myself again. I am working closely with my doctor to get me right again.
It’s been a long long month that feels like it will never end. One afternoon it felt like my heart was coming out of my body and it was so overwhelming. After I laid on the couch for a while I couldn’t handle it anymore so I got up to make dinner. As I was making dinner I had to stop and just cry. As I was crying I grabbed my phone and turned on Pandora and the first song that came on was Hold On, by 33 Miles. It explained exactly what I was feeling and I was reminded that through my darkness I need to hold on and God will get me through it.
He never said we won’t go through our struggles, but He did promise to hold onto us and will pull us out. That is exactly what happened and I was able to finish making dinner, and it was good ;-).
I was reminded that music is one of those things for me that helps me feel better.
The key is to find out what makes you feel better, even if it’s 5% better and do it. For me it’s music. But sometimes it’s hard to remember what it is when I’m in the midst of it all.
Many songs came on after Hold On and I want to share them with you. My hope is that they inspire you to come out of the dark sadness too, even if for a little while.
It’s amazing what a song can do for the soul.
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