sobriety is about seeing reality
- Marvello V
- Apr 25, 2021
- 3 min read
“I had lost touch with reality and with any sense of what my actions could do to others.”
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 488.
I co-lead a recovery group and during a recent group, the testimony speaker stated, “I was a liar and a manipulator.” Her statement reminded me of the quote from the Big Book of AA. One of my roles in the group is to follow the testimony speaker and summarize some of what they shared. I reminded the group that each of us is a liar and manipulator. We can’t help it! That’s what addiction does to a person.
We literally stop seeing reality and all we see is how we feel, what we want (which is always our drug or drink of choice), above anyone and anything. We don’t care how we make other people feel, especially our loved ones. All we care about is ourselves. We’re a selfish lot.
I remember about 5 years into my sobriety, I started learning things about the people close in my life like my brothers, sister-in-laws, and my parents. I saw things about them I never knew about them because I’d been so self-absorbed in my addiction that I couldn’t see much else. I also learned more about my son, because all I previously saw was a kid that kept me busy. I saw his innate talents and the joy he brought to me, but I didn’t really know him as a person. That didn’t start until I went clean and sober.
Over the years of my sobriety, I also started to see past my self-lies and false beliefs. I thought I knew what it meant to strip myself of my ego, but God took me deep into my self-lies and showed me how I bought into societal ideas that were never my own. I bought into my childhood self-pity and carried it far into my adulthood. It was painful to go through the process of realization and self-healing. Once I stepped into a new reality I asked myself why I even believed all those crazy ideas in the first place? It’s crazy!
If I were to briefly describe my sobriety experience I would call it a ‘Journey into truth’. I’ve discovered the truth of my addiction, the truth of sobriety, the truth of spirituality, the truth of humanity, and the truth of the people I love. And nothing was as I thought it was when I was in my addiction. I was blinded from seeing the truth! How could I see anything past my own selfishness?
It’s hard enough to see reality (the truth) when you’re clean and sober, let alone when you’re suffering in your addiction. Addiction is keeping you from seeing any type of truth about yourself, about your pain, and about the people who love you. All you see is your next fix and you don’t care about anything else. You can tell yourself you care about others, but you really don’t. As long as you stay trapped in your addiction, you really don’t care about anyone else.
There is a way out though. The 12 Steps of Recovery is definitely one way. What matters first is that you stay clean and sober. That’s the main thing. Second, you start learning how to cope with life on life’s terms without turning to substances. And third, give yourself time to figure out what’s true and what’s not true. That only comes with time and effort. You have to work at your sobriety if you’re to sustain it and that’s the truth.
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