“…so that you can deal with “…the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure” (BB:64) as you become aware of them.”
Our A.A. Legacy by Three Clarence Snyder Old-timers and Their Wives, p. 33.
Recovering addicts/alcoholics have the privilege of learning more about themselves as part of their sobriety program. As Christians, it makes our spiritual path unique because we already know we have a problem and that there are underlying causes that created them. We’re not blinded by our self-righteousness or perfection. At this point, we’ve already admitted we have a problem and now we’ve got to fix it so it doesn’t happen again.
Step 4 is important in the process of getting clean and sober, because this is your opportunity to discover the hurts, pains, resentments, and anxieties you’ve clung to that led you to your addiction in the first place. These are the things that have kept you trapped in a circle of self-destruction and addiction. They are not easy to identify, let alone admit. But we must in order to heal.
A deeper self-awareness often leads to a greater sense of peace with self and compassion for others. When we begin to recognize how we struggle with ourselves, we understand there are many others (if not everyone) who are going through the same struggles. We deal with our hurts, pains, resentments, and anxieties in different ways but ultimately it all hurts us. Whether our symptoms are addiction to drugs/alcohol or other things like anger, violence, cutting, isolation, shutting people out, etc.; we are hurting ourselves and other people. A deeper self-awareness allows us to notice the triggers that lead to self-destructive behaviors and give us a chance to make a different choice.
However, take heed to what Tasha Eurich has to say about self-awareness in this important and enlightening TED Talk: Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix.
You need someone to hold you true to your observations. We all have opinions. They’re a dime a dozen. What’s difficult to get to is THE TRUTH. Not your truth or anyone else’s truth, but THE TRUTH. The truth of your situation, the truth of your behavior, the truth of your statements. THAT is what you’re trying to get to—the truth of everything you’ve thought, said, and acted on. Not an easy thing to do. Hence, why you need someone to help you see the truth of your perspectives and be willing to question them.
What underlies all of an addicts perspectives is a self-lie. We have all justified why we do what we do and have considered our actions to be correct. Even when we’re hurting ourselves and others we make excuses. We have to move past our excuses and start looking at the result of our actions. If the result does not line up with “sober” behaviors then we have to consider our perspective is skewed. Somewhere beyond our self-lie is an opportunity to change our perspective so we can heal. That’s why it is so important to be brutally honest with yourself during Step 4.
For now, be willing to go through Step 4 no matter how hard it gets. Even when you just want to give up and stop digging into your truth, keep going. Take a short break between self-exploration sessions, but don’t stop completely. The pain is necessary before you can heal. It’s a reminder of all the hurt and pain you’ve carried for far too long. It’s time to let it all go.
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