Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
—12 Steps of Alcoholic Anonymous
If you’ve done the first seven steps right, you’ve established a strong foundation for Steps 8 and 9. The first seven steps have prepared you for one of the most difficult parts of recovery and that’s forgiveness—both asking for forgiveness from those we’ve harmed and then forgiving ourselves.
“We may put off working this step because we are afraid of the responses we will get. We are not responsible for how they respond, only for our willingness to set the relationship right.”
Project HEAL Christ-centered Recovery Lessons, p. 33.
As recovering addicts, we know in our heart and mind who we’ve hurt and who we need to make amends with. Some of us may have a long list of people to talk with. For now, all this step requires you to do is write the names of the people that are foremost on your mind. Don’t worry about what you’ll say to them. Just get their names down for now.
Your commitment to Step 3 (We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.) will help carry you through Step 8. Right now, all you’re doing is writing down the names of all the people you need to ask for forgiveness. That’s a big enough task for this step.
But let’s not forget to include yourself on the list.
“Often when we make a list of people we have hurt, we leave off the person who has experienced more pain than anyone else—ourselves.”
Ibid, p. 33.
Even more difficult than writing down the names of people we need to make amends to, is including ourselves on the list. There are some experiences that we didn’t do to ourselves, it was someone else who hurt us. But we need to forgive them too. And we need to forgive ourselves for clinging to the resentment, hatred, and anger. Because all that’s done is turn on us and kept us trapped in our emotional turmoil. When we harbor resentment, hatred, or anger toward someone it’s like the emotions turn against us and we become resentful, hateful, and angry.
Forgiveness is part of the process of spiritual purity. And you can’t go deeper into spiritual practice without forgiving others, including yourself. The truth is, the 12 Steps of Recovery are based on spiritual principles. Whether you believe in the God of the Bible or not, there is a deep spiritual element to recovery. And forgiveness of others is a major part of it.
Stay tuned for more lessons on Step 8. How well you get through this step will determine how much further you progress on your recovery.
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