This article is written by Brenda L. She has been in recovery over 6 years and is deeply connected to the recovery community, sharing her story of overcoming addiction to groups throughout California. Brenda is a Co-Leader with Project HEAL, a Christ-centered recovery group in Sacramento, CA.
Step 8
“Made a list of all persons we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”
Spiritual Principles:
Forgiveness, honesty, courage, willingness, accountability, humility, and compassion
The Next Steps we approach are about our personal relations. First, we are reflecting back and we are discovering where we were at fault. Secondly, we are making a strong effort to restore the damage that we have done. Lastly, we have cleaned away the wreckage of OUR past. Now we have a new education of ourselves, and with this knowledge, we develop the best possible relations with every human we know or encounter. Since, this Step seems like such a huge skill to develop, this is a task which we may do and increase with our new spiritual toolkit we have been taught, but we never really finish! As we now have a new way to go about our life and live in Step 8, we make that harm list and identify the damage we caused even if we did not intend to cause harm. Many of us have the ability and most of us delay this process as we can’t imagine forgiving people who harm us which swallows our pride. We have often felt that certain people do not get our compassion, and much to our surprise, if we become willing to get rid of our indulgence in self-pity and we let go of our resentment, we become free.
We have the ability to choose to live in the greatest of peace, partnership, and brotherhood with everyone. Since we have already reflected and done the survey of our wreckage in the prior steps of our moral inventory, now it’s time to choose the “new natures” and to multiply our works and see how the countless were hurt by us and in what ways. Viewing our old wounds and emotional hurts may seem a painful rotten experience. We may have not remembered these wounds and some pain will be painful. Although it looks like our reflection will serve no purpose but discomfort and soreness in our heart, we will receive the benefit that as we expose ourselves the pain of our wounds is decreased one hurdle after another and our pain will lose power and melt away. These challenges are very real.
Forgiveness- the first step to this process and maybe the most difficult. Most of us when we think of a broken relationship or failed relations have been light on ourselves. We go and we think of the situation on the defense. Our defensiveness allows us to not accurately look at the wrongs we have done to one another as we resentfully place emphasis on the wrongs that were done to us. When we will have had little or no contribution our resentments come to a great inflation which now help us have the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own behavior.
We have now learned that Resentments are the number one offender of all spiritual disease and it will take out any alcoholic/addict quicker than anything else. To stay sober (even emotionally sober) we must free ourselves from resentments or it can kill us. Living in our “New Natures” and changing our inner selves we have to look at ourselves under a hand-held microscope. In the past, did you ever feel that you were confused and unable to think clearly by your sick emotions? And did our behavior worsen the defects in others? As we strain relationships, bring out the worst in others, and we force patience. We brought others to snap, strained our relations, and irritated our relationships in the worst way. The way that we make amends to ourselves is stopping irresponsible and destructive behavior, and listing those we have harmed we are holding ourselves accountable.
Step 8 Questions and Actions to ask yourself:
Are there resentments that are in the way of your willingness to make amends?
Are you hesitating in any way before working on the 8th Step—if so why?
Why is it valuable to determine the exact nature of your wrongs?
Why is it so essential that you are very clear about your responsibility?
Are there people to whom you owe amends who may be a threat to your safety or whom you are concerned about in any other way?
Why only saying sorry is not enough?
Do you have to make amends to people who have harmed you?
Do you have amends that are financial and you do not want to make them?
Sometimes suggested that we can make the process easier and list:
People need to make amends now (once worked the prior steps).
People to make partial amends to in order to not injure them or others (discuss with God and Sponsor).
People to make amends to later.
People we “may” never be able to make direct personal contact.
Eighth Step Prayer
I ask you God to help me make my list of all those I have harmed. Be forgiving to others as you are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin in my restitution. This I pray.
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